2. They actually think they’re saving their marriage.

These men don’t want a divorce. Far from it. They are comfortable in their home, they enjoy the time they spend with their wives and kids. They don’t want to be single again and have to pay alimony or child support, or have to go live in an apartment again at the age of 40.

These men think the only way to stay married for the next 20 years is by “fulfilling” all their sexual and emotional needs elsewhere. The prospect of spending the next half of his life with the same person puts this man into a kind of “panic state.” By embarking on an affair, they feel they are getting their life back again. They feel attractive and sexy in a way they can’t seem to feel with their wives.

The man feels the other woman is seeing a part of him their spouse or partner doesn’t see, like their creative side, or their intelligence.

Of course, the reality is that the wife knows the man is creative and smart and handsome, but hearing it “fresh” from a new person just FEELS different to the man.

3. They feel the other woman “understands” him.

Think about this scenario for a minute.

A man works hard at his job as a software analyst. He’s been there for years and he’s actually kind of bored with his job. He is feeling a little depressed that he never persued a career in creative writing after college—afterall, that’s what his degree is in. He thinks about how STUCK he is in his current situation: he has a big mortgage, a family to support, lots of bills piling up. He would love to quit his job and just write fulltime.

He starts chatting with a new female co-worker who sits in the cube next to his. At first it’s all work-related but soon he starts telling her about what he did over the weekend, what books he’s reading, what movie he saw from Netflix.

He asks her out to lunch one day and they have an even more personal conversation. He tells her about his dream to write a book someday, and how he can’t do anything about it because his wife would have a hissy if he were to quit his job to write.

She tells him that he shouldn’t give up on his dream, that it’s IMPORTANT, and furthermore, life is short and he’s probably wasting his life at this crappy job he’s got now. She tells him that she can TELL he’s got creative talent just from reading some of his work emails and talking to him. So his WIFE probably doesn't believe in him...

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