Husband Finds Willing Cheating Partners on Craigslist, continued

My first affair came about because I had a business trip planned and so I placed an ad on that cities Craigslist casual encounters section.  I got a reply within an hour and began emailing back and forth for a few days.  A divorced woman with two teen daughters and a busy work schedule.  I played the same angle back at her that I was divorced, had kids and couldn’t fit a relationship into my life at this time but still needed intimacy.  She wanted to talk on the phone before I came out, so I had to by a disposable pre-pay cell phone.  We talked a few times and agreed to meet in the hotel bar.  Two drinks and a little small talk then we ended up back in my hotel room.  It was okay but I felt guilty as hell and swore I would never do it again.  She emailed me a few times after I got back, saying my phone wasn’t working (I had actually tossed it in the trash at the airport before I came back home).  I didn’t email back and she stopped trying after a week.

Three months passed and the fear and guilt began to fade. I was asked to go on another upcoming 3 day weekend business trip.  I let my wife know about the dates and such I would be out of town, and then a few days later work decided I wouldn’t need to go after all.  Wow, I thought this would be a great chance to take a personal vacation, hit some bars and hole up in a hotel away from the wife and kids.  I booked a room at a hotel across town, and placed a casual encounter ad. Again I got a reply and played the business trip angle, the thing is this was in my home town.  Like the first time, I met the woman in the hotel bar and ended up in my room.  Three days later we parted and I was in a state of sexual euphoria.  This woman was everything I was seeking in a sexual partner.  We emailed back and forth for a few weeks and I arranged another couple of meetings, which were always at a hotel near then airport, because I was claiming I had a layover on a business trip to another city.  Little did she know I actually lived 30 minutes away from her. I was getting in deep and realized I had to end it before the shit hit the fan.  I came up with an incredible story of being transferred to Germany with my company and within a month falling on love with a woman who I was going to marry.  She was piss as hell at me and never wrote or called again.

Unfortunately I was developing a serious sexual addition and I wanted more.  I was becoming an evil person.

My most recent encounter was 5 months ago.  I placed an ad for a lunch time hook-up and got a reply.  She didn’t even want to met somewhere public first and gave me her address.  Foolishly I drove right over.  She had said she was 41, but she was easily 10 years older.  Oh well, I figured I’ll still get my rocks off.  We began, I started thinking that I must not of put on my deodorant or something, but realized it was her.  Repulsed, I didn’t want to continue and decided to leave before it got any further.  She wanted money, I just left, and I threw up out my car window, thinking about what and whom I’ve become. 

Disgusted with myself and the depths I have allowed myself to get to, once again I am swearing to never do this again.  So why am I telling you all of this? Perhaps as a way to expose myself without telling my wife. Perhaps as a way to help others.  I’m not sure.  I’m not seeking forgiveness just to say what I’ve done.  I know I want to change.